In a client session, my client discovered that she had an underlying disempowering belief about her transgender daughter. She shared... “I have a story that life is difficult for her because she is this way” this impacted her in a profound way. The guilt surfaced and she began asking herself “What did I do wrong?” “Where I wonder is did I eat something wrong? Did I not take care of myself correctly?” “I did sneak some cigarettes once in a while when I was pregnant”. This created a space of disempowerment, guilt, shame, and looking for evidence that she CAUSED her child to be transgender, and in turn, to have a “difficult” life. From this space, she lost her power.
She couldn’t connect with all the ways in which her daughter being transgender may, for her as a mother, be a GIFT, a stunning lesson in authenticity and bravery. By the end of our session, she transformed her feelings from guilt and shame and for the first time regarding the story of her transgender daughter, she got access to PRIDE. She realized that she set an example over the years modeling to her transgender daughter what it looked like to be a hard-working, successful, tenacious, authentic, and powerful woman. She began to see all the ways in which she did things RIGHT. She saw things from a new lens. She got access to power and grace for herself as a mother.
I want to offer to you an opportunity to look at the areas in which you are asking yourself disempowering questions. When we ask ourselves disempowering questions we get disempowering answers. Period.
What empowering question can you ask yourself today to get an empowering answer? It can be as simple as stopping, taking a few DEEP breaths, and asking yourself... “What am I doing well today?” “How do I show my love to those around me?” “How am I the PERFECT parent for my child?” “Where do I deserve to give myself some compassion?”
You’d be amazed at the transformation that can happen in 8 sessions. The client I mentioned above went from a place of struggling to set healthy boundaries with her transgender daughter, having a tough time with her new name and pronouns, working through beliefs about gender confirmation surgery, healing guilt and shame, and completely re wrote her story about her transgender daughter. This all allowed her to transform her relationship with her daughter, it opened up lines of communication for conversations they had never had before, it gave her access to self compassion and compassion for her daughter.
[Permission was granted by this client to share her story anonymously]